Thursday, 6 March 2008

Who am I really?

This is a really weird one.
Consider yourself warned.
Proceed only at your own peril.

I find this one really hard to write. How does one really define him / herself? I'm not really even hoping to get it right this time, but maybe I can get close enough. Hopefully. Maybe. In my dreams...

I found that I am quite fascinated with the Japanese. They (you) are truly an interesting people to me. At least what is depicted of them in (mostly) western movies that I watched about them, the books I have managed to get my grasp on, the ideas that folk live by seem to be mostly my own. Maybe this was too fast. Too arrogant. I with my European mind surely can't even in my wildest dreams even imagine the principles a thousands years old culture has embedded inside each persons's mind. But, nevertheless, sometimes I wish I could be pilot Blackthorne or captain Allgren or whoever ever managed to get any Japanese's respect. Fictional characters used intentionally.

OK, now it seems it's quite plain what I set my standards on. Honor. A word that in modern world really seems to have been forgotten. I won't even begin to list all the opposites that I can think of right now. What a range of things that seems to be. Most of the people I know seem to just be looking for the quickest way to "solve" any problem they encounter. I on the other hand always try to please or do a favor to the person on the other side. This is my mission. This is what I believe in. I even can't leave a single piece of a program's code alone just because I believe that by making a better program I can make somebody's life easier.

I haven't quite said enough. The definition of word honor. What really does it mean? Not cheating on your wife? Abiding by the ten commandments? Not harming people close to you?
So many possibilities, but none of them correct. To me, honor represents the ideas that force allow a human being to try as hard as he / she can to try do any task given to them as well as they are possibly able to. Perfectionism. Maybe that could be the word to describe it. Certainly civilization obscured the meaning of the word since the values imposed on us today are not really the ones of honor. Purity. That might be the best word to describe it after all.

I'm afraid there's not much more I can say on the subject at this time. Maybe I'll continue this topic later. Maybe not.

I just know I haven't said enough.

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